Pretty Kitty
by alynwa
Summary: Written for the LJ July Song Story Challenge, the inspiration is "Paper Tiger" written by John Loudermilk. Lyrics are after the story.


Mr. Waverly and his Number Two Enforcement Agent sat watching the CEA attempt to interrogate THRUSH operative Angelique DeChien. She had been given Veritol 19, the truth serum developed by Illya himself. No dirty bird prior to today, to his knowledge, had managed not to succumb to the drug, but there she sat, head drooping as if she had had too much to drink, but not so much that her tongue had been loosened much to Napoleon's frustration.

"Miss DeChien, I'm beginning to lose patience with you!" Napoleon yelled as he slammed his fist on the table between them. "I think we can both agree that it's no coincidence that you turn up in New York City the same day a nuclear physicist we _both_ know THRUSH wants to recruit arrives! Tell me how you and your cohorts plan to kidnap him!"

"'Miss DeChien?' Darling, why so formal?" Her head lolled in the general direction of the two way mirror behind which Waverly and Kuryakin sat. "I'm quite sure your boss is well aware of our… _friendship!_ "

The corners of Illya's mouth lifted for a second when he noticed Napoleon's discomfort at her statement. Both men hid their emotions almost immediately, but Mr. Waverly saw both expressions and Angelique read Napoleon's correctly.

"Oh, come on, Napoleon! I'm not embarrassed; no reason for you to be. I _do_ have something to tell you, Napoleon, want to hear it?"

"I'm all ears."

She raised her head and straightened up as much as she could and to all the men's astonishment, started to sing.

" _Quit beatin' your chest and actin' like you're gonna bite a big hole outta me! Quit messin' and testin' cuz this ain't at all impressin' to me!"_ She glared at the mirror as if she could look right through it and see who was watching her. She looked back at Napoleon and sang louder, " _Paper tiger, paper tiger! You paper tigers are all alike, your roar is much worse than your bite!_ "

Napoleon was furious. "I'll be back," he snarled as he opened the door and headed to the Observation Room.

"Well, Mr. Solo, it would appear that the affection, or whatever it is, Miss DeChien feels for you does not extend as far as I had hoped."

"No, sir, it would appear not." He looked at Illya, "Can we administer more of the drug?"

"She has already received the maximum safe dosage. Anymore might do her permanent damage and I am not sure it would be useful. She may not be impressed with you right now, Napoleon, but I hate to admit it: She has impressed _me._ The one area where THRUSH surpasses UNCLE is in recognizing the inner strength and intelligence of female operatives and using them to their advantage."

"I happen to agree with you, Mr. Kuryakin, which is why we now have an Agent April Dancer with hopefully, more women to follow. However, what suggestions, if any, do either of you have about our guest in there?" He flipped the switch next to his left hand so that the audio from the Interrogation Room was reconnected and Angelique's whispery voice came through the speaker once again.

" _Quit spyin' and sighin' and lyin' and tryin' to be so mean, cuz you ain't scarin' nobody, baby, you're just makin' a scene. Paper tiger, paper tiger…"_

Her voice cut off as Mr. Waverly turned off the audio once more. "I've heard enough. Mr. Solo?"

"Ah well, Sir, we need to know how THRUSH intends to get their hands on that scientist. We couldn't break Ange…Miss DeChien, but perhaps, we can still use her."

Illya's eyes brightened with understanding. "Yes, give her a modified Capsule B, return her to her hotel and place her under surveillance. I believe you are right, Napoleon; she is in New York to intercept O'Rourke. She will lead us to the satrap in charge of her mission."*

Mr. Waverly stood. "I think that is a sound idea, Gentlemen. I suggest you get in there and sedate her before the Veritol 19 begins to fail. I have other business to attend."

They walked out of the room behind the Old Man who turned right while they went left to Angelique. She looked up at the sound of the door. " _Here kitty, c'mere, kitty, kitty. Hahahaha."_

Napoleon ignored her while he poured a glass of water into which Illya emptied the contents of a Capsule B. "Drink this; you'll feel better."

They watched her down the drugged drink and slowly slip into unconsciousness. "Section III agents have reported no THRUSH activity around her hotel, so we can drop her off with no problems."

As they began to move her, Illya asked, "Do you thing we will really be able to pull this off?"

"I think so, Tovarisch, I think so."

*Veritol 19 is a truth serum I introduced in earlier stories.

 **Paper Tiger Lyrics:**

Quit beatin' your chest and actin' like you're gonna bite a big hole out  
of me  
Quit messin' and testin' cuz this ain't at all impressin' to me  
Paper tiger, paper tiger, you paper tigers are all alike  
Your roar is much worse than your bite.  
Quit spyin' and sighin' and lyin' and tryin' to be so mean  
Cuz you ain't scarin' nobody, baby, you're just makin' a scene  
Paper tiger, paper tiger, you're just a'flutterin' in the tree  
Ain't shakin' no one but the leaves  
Oh how you try to be so brave  
Thinkin' that I'll run back to ya and be afraid  
And so you try to come on strong  
Thinkin' that I will go along, but you're wrong  
Paper tiger, paper tiger, you paper tigers are all alike  
Your roar is much worse than your bite.  
Your roar is much worse than your bite.  
SPOKEN FADE:C'mere, kitty. Here, kitty, kitty, kittyah ha ha ha ha


End file.
